Ophelia has been dumped by Hamlet. What to do? Drown herself? There are better options. Why not go to 'Uncle Don' Claudius, boss of the nation's only Danish-American Crime Family, and ask him to -- you know -- mentor her? Can he possibly refuse a beautiful 17 year old desire object who asks in a -- you know -- sweet way? But his wife Gertrude objects. She goes to Rosy Kranz and Goldie Stern (formerly Mossad) for help in the matter. Will they do her bidding and whack the young beauty? Or will they rise above their historic role? Stay tuned.